Back from a bad trip

I first would like to apologize for my long absence. I got stuck in the snow and then got ahold of bad crack and have been coming down from a really bad trip. After wandering the streets of Sparks for hours I passed out and woke up to find that my work clothes have been stolen! Of course I was traumatized and had no idea who would want my miniskirt and tube top along with my Cher wig. After a week of intense therapy from my pimp, I put on my back- up out fit and hit the streets. While hiking through the snow to my usual corner, I found the thief who took my clothes (picture to follow). In order for you all to feel my rage this story will be continued after the picture is posted. ...

DEAR DIARY

This morning I woke up energized and I don’t like it. The bitch has decided to start working out like a freak at the gym and I am trying to fight off the positive effects by purposefully retaining water and causing her a great deal of pain. She is now on the couch passed out from the side effects of pain killers and I finally have time to myself before I hit the pipe. Normally, I would go straight to the pipe and take up residence on the corner with my shank in hand and a beer in the other, but there are a couple of things that I need to get off my chest.

Let’s start out with the Twilight saga. I am not interested and could care less whether someone digs them or not, but it’s the “stars” of the movies that really grind my gears (props Family Guy). In order to properly get my point across I should use quotes from the actual stars and then comment, but I just don’t really care. Anyone of you can Google their names and find out for yourselves. Hey dumbasses, stop your complaining! In order to support my pipe habit I have to work on the streets, you have to make a movie and get paid millions of dollars and the drugs are free!

Sure, the paparazzi are ridiculous, but get over it. If you just want to be an actor, be an actor that constantly books jobs and stays out of the press, they do exist. If you want to be a movie star, this is the cost. Don’t audition for lead roles in movies based on books popular with juvenile delinquents and crazy adults. The fact is the press is still going to be around after you’re gone, there are always going to be critics, and there are always going to be crazy tabloids. The kicker is that your fans, the ones that made you famous are the ones that keep you in the tabloids. Enjoy the comps, the parties, the adoration, and the money, because based on what I’ve seen from the trailers you won’t be the next Angelina Jolie or Will Smith.

Finally, a short word on text forwards. It’s bad enough that I get 20 email (theangryuterus@gmail.com) forwards a day from several people, but now that bitch gets them on her phone. STOP IT!!!!! She hasn’t sent anything on in the past month and nothing bad has happened. To the smartass that invented those, I am looking for you, and when I find you, I will shank you. I have more to say, but the days are getting shorter and mama needs to make a living.

I have to say out of all the seasons, Fall is one of my favorites; right after spring. The leaves changing colors, and the perfect weather that comes with it makes me love life. While there are cold and rainy days I have learned to block those days out of mind, because I have grown up in this so called desert and I have very low expectations. Sure I still long for the days when that witch Jen will finally get her nursing degree and move back east where most of the trees lining the street have actual leaves instead of pine needles. Yet I feel when it happens I might long for those pine needles and snow in June, but only time will tell.

For now I dream of a climate where I can experience all four seasons; a summer with heat and rain, a spring with actual rain, or a real winter in a city that actually scraps the snow off the street before it ices over. In the meantime, I plan on enjoying this fantastic long sleeve with no jacket weather and brace for the cold, dry, possibly wet winter.

What you have been waiting for.......

Hello fans, or should I say, "haters!" I have decided to write the real story of me instead of what that bitch (Jen) has been telling you all through her sub par artwork. While I do love the crack and carrying a shank of several varieties, there is more to me than that. So much more. I have feelings that I occasionally feel and would like to express. Don’t believe what that bitch tells you and read my blog if you want the real truth. Fellow uteri unite!!